Wednesday, August 31, 2016

So Glad They Told Me - Book Release Day!

I've always tried to be real about both the great and the really hard parts of motherhood on this blog and on my Facebook page (shameless plug, follow it if you don't already. That's where I share the really juicy stuff. Also ridiculous pictures of myself for some reason.) I try to tell the truth about parenthood, to laugh (and make you guys laugh, too) and to cry, and to be honest about it all.

Last year, an awesome blogger named Stephanie Sprenger launched a campaign called So Glad They Told Me and asked other moms to share honest, real and helpful advice that other people had given them about motherhood (or the advice they wish they'd gotten.) And since I try to be real to the point of embarrassing myself, I shared this picture of myself sitting on an embarrassing pile of laundry along with some helpful advice that my dad gave me about housework when you've got an infant.

Spoiler alert: I no longer have an infant, and my laundry situation is still this embarrassing. 
The campaign went viral, and the above photo of me, my baby and my ridiculous pile of laundry appeared on television and on The Huffington Post. I'm so proud.

Then a while later on Facebook, Stephanie posted a call for submissions for a book, also to be called So Glad They Told Me. Guys, I wanted to be in the book so badly! I ended up submitting two essays on the very last day they were accepting submissions, and then I waited. And waited some more, because it turns out that I was wrong about it being the last day to submit. So then I waited some more.

And then I got an email telling me that ONE OF MY ESSAYS HAD BEEN ACCEPTED FOR INCLUSION IN THE BOOK!!! AAAHHHH!! The essay they accepted was about my parents - two amazing people who I'm proud to know - and about the only time I can ever remember my mom refusing to talk to me.

And today, that book is available for sale!! With my essay in it!! And my name!!! And a little bio about me that was somehow harder for me to write than the essay itself!!!

Honestly, since I just got my copy of the book three days ago, I haven't even had a chance to finish reading all of the other essays in the book yet (shocking, I know, with two young kids at home,) but I've loved the ones I've read! The book is a refreshing and honest look at parenting - both the amazing parts and somewhat less than amazing part. And it HAS MY NAME IN IT!!!

If you want to buy So Glad They Told Me: Women Get Real About Motherhood, you can do so here!! (Full disclosure, if you buy it through that link, it will cost the same for you, but I'll get a small percentage of the sale. Like literally a few cents. But if you don't want me to get a few cents, you can just type the name of the book into Amazon and buy it that way.)

So, to summarize, I JUST GOT PUBLISHED IN A REAL LIVE BOOK!!!! And so did some other amazing women!! And you can read it if you want to.

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Friday, March 11, 2016

Four Reasons Having a Messy Car is Actually a Good Thing

I'll be honest: I've never really been great at keeping the inside of my car clean. Once when I was in college, my car broke down in the middle of an intersection, and I made my roommate help me shove all of the stuff from the seats and floor into the trunk so that the tow truck driver and mechanic wouldn't see how messy my car was. It took us at least ten minutes to move everything.

Now that I have kids, the mess has multiplied. Plus, since I'm carting around two kids and all of their stuff, we've had to upgrade to a vehicle that's a bit bigger than the '94 Nissan Sentra I was driving in college, so there's more floor space that seems to magically attract junk. I've been meaning to clean my minivan out for a while now, but then I started thinking about all of the benefits of having my vehicle piled high with crap. So in case you're like me and are putting off emptying out your car, check out this list of reasons that having a messy car can actually be a good thing!

1. You're prepared in case of emergency.
When I was a new driver, my dad used to tell me that I should always keep a blanket and some water in my car, especially during the winter. That way if I got stranded somewhere during a blizzard or because my car broke down, I'd be warm and hydrated until help could reach me. And now that I drive my mom-mobile, I've always got blankets and water. And Cheerios. And apple sauce pouches. And toy cars. And stuffed animals. And empty plastic bags. And seven mittens that don't match each other. Sure, the water is mostly contained in 14 half-empty sippy cups, the blankets are baby-sized, and the Cheerios are as old as the minivan. But the point is, if we got stranded in the middle of a snow storm, my family and I would be set for at least a week.

2. No more last-minute stops at the store on the way to events.
Have you ever been on your way to dinner at a friend's house or a work gathering when you suddenly remember that you were supposed to bring something? If your car is full of stuff, you've almost definitely got items that will work in a pinch for just about any situation. Forgot to bring a potluck dish? Here are six packs of sandwich crackers! Will the party have a white elephant gift exchange? A book about going to the potty will be a great conversation starter! Need a hostess gift? Everyone loves juice boxes and a handful of fast food napkins!

3. You can eliminate the need for a diaper bag or purse. 
When my son was a newborn, a well-stocked diaper bag was a must on any excursion. If I forgot to refill it or - even worse - forgot to bring it altogether, I was in big trouble. One time we ate dinner in a restaurant with my son wearing only a diaper and a windbreaker because he had a diaper blowout right after we were seated, and I'd forgotten to put spare clothes in his diaper bag. But now my son is nearly four years old, his sister is one, and there are enough clothes and diapers in our vehicle to dress at least half of the children in any given neighborhood. My van also contains approximately 17 partially empty containers of wipes, no less than four boxes of tissues, and enough change in the center console to buy each of my kids at least one meal at a restaurant (assuming, of course, that the restaurant has a dollar menu.) I can leave my diaper bag and purse at home, since the contents of both are strewn throughout the back seat.

4. You're less likely to be detained for suspicion of car theft.
Let's say that someone in my town has their minivan stolen, and it's the same model and color as mine. I might get pulled over just to make sure that I wasn't driving said stolen vehicle. But just by showing the cop the things that were on the floor and shoved under the seats, it would only take about 15 seconds for me to prove that the vehicle was actually mine. Look - here's a picture of me with my grandpa! And fourteen pieces of junk mail addressed to me! And some Christmas cards with pictures of my family on them that I forgot to mail last year! I mean, license and insurance card would probably clear it up pretty quickly, too, but you can never be too careful.

By cleaning out your car, you could be doing yourself more harm than good, so it's probably best to leave it the way it is. And then you can use the time you saved by not cleaning your car out to help me come up with a list of reasons that I shouldn't clean the closets either. I'd really appreciate it.

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Friday, September 25, 2015

Fantasies for Moms

As moms, we can often find ourselves being so caught up in the daily tasks of taking care of our kids that we forget to find time for pleasure that's just for us. But as moms, we have a unique set of physical and mental desires and needs, and engaging in some harmless fantasy can not only help us relax, it can also allow us to be better wives, mothers, and women. After you put the kids to bed tonight, slip into something more comfortable (or something that's at least not covered in spit-up,) and try role-playing one of these exciting fantasies crafted especially for moms.

1. You are a beautiful young college student. Your roommate is gone for the weekend, and you have the dorm room to yourself. It is 11am on a Saturday, and you are asleep in your bed.

That's it. That's the whole fantasy. You're sleeping. At 11:00am. You have not been awake for 5 hours. No one is demanding lunch. You don't have Cheerios stuck to the back of your arm for some reason. You're just asleep. The end.

2. You are walking along a beautiful, moonlit beach with the man you love. The warm sand gently gives way beneath each step of your perfectly pedicured toes. He slips his arm around your waist and lightly brushes his lips against your cheek. "Tell me what you're thinking," he whispers softly in your ear. "I just read a really good book," you answer. And then the two of you discuss it. For like 45 minutes. With no interruptions.

3. You awake early one morning to a knock on the door. Pulling your pink robe loosely around your shoulders, you tiptoe down the stairs and slowly open the door. On your front porch is a tall, handsome man wearing a green apron. He stretches out one hand to you, and in it is a white cup. "Starbucks delivers now," he says. You drink the entire cup of coffee while it is still hot.

4. Your husband arrives home from work early one afternoon with a mischievous look in his eye and the signature pink striped Victoria's Secret shopping bag dangling from one finger. He smiles and hands the bag to you. "I stopped by the mall on my way home and bought you a little something. Why don't you try it on?" he asks with a wink. "They were having a great sale on yoga pants."

5. In the darkened room of the spa, you slip under the sheet draped across the massage table and allow yourself to relax to the sound of the music playing softly from the overhead speakers. There's a soft knock, and then the massage therapist enters, rubbing scented oil between her hands. "My next client just called to cancel, so I have a free hour after your appointment," she says with a smile. "Would you like to double the length of your massage? No extra charge for my favorite client."

Two. Hour. Massage.

Test out one of these mom fantasies tonight; any one of them should have you asleep in no time!

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