Oh, hello, lady who seems slightly unhinged. Thank you for repeatedly stroking my six-week-old baby's head! The fact that I am wearing him in a baby carrier and his head is pressed against my chest does not make your stroking of it any more awkward than it already was. Sure, absolutely - you can definitely hold him! I can't think of a single reason not to allow a stranger to hold my child. Please wait a moment while I take him out of the carrier, where he is comfortable and content, so that I can put my newborn into the waiting arms of someone I don't know. I can't believe I didn't come up with this idea myself!
Hi, woman I just met while visiting a friend! Yes, my two month old does sleep reasonably well at night (you know, for a two month old.) What's that? I should mix apple juice with rice cereal to give to him before bed so that he sleeps better? Even though I just told you he already sleeps well? Well, why the heck not? His pediatrician told us not to give him any juice OR cereal until he's 4-6 months old, but she never said a word about juice AND cereal! Plus, what does she know?? It's not like she went to medical school or spent years working with babies! And if it's going to make my baby (who already sleeps well) sleep well, then I should do it for sure! Thanks for shouting "apple juice and cereal!! Seriously!" after me as I walk out the door!
Well hello there, man who has had several drinks at a cook-out. Yes, my three-and-a-half month old would love a potato chip! I've already told you repeatedly that he is much too young for solid foods, but that was only because I was testing you to see just how much you really wanted to give him some ruffled chips! He will probably love them and not choke at all! Yes, that's it... continue to shove your plate in his face. He is just now learning to grab objects that are placed in front of him, so if he misses the chips, he can always grab a handful of your potato salad. Either way, delicious fun is just inches away! Wait, where are you going? Has my pulling him away offended you?
Oh, good, you're back... with a pretzel stick! Thank you for wedging it into his hand before I could stop you! I genuinely enjoy prying age-inappropriate foods from his fingers.
Ok, this is a safe place... share something you wanted to say to a stranger but somehow managed not to say.
